Regulation Starts with You: How to Support Your Child’s Nervous System
If your child shifts from calm to overwhelmed in a flash—or seems to have big emotional reactions to small changes—you’re not alone. Many children with autism, sensory processing issues, or motor challenges have trouble staying regulated.
But what does “regulation” really mean? And how can you, as a parent or caregiver, support it?
In this blog, you’ll learn what regulation is, why some children struggle with it, and how you can help your child feel safe, balanced, and understood—no matter how they communicate.
What Does It Mean to Be Regulated?
Regulation is the ability to manage your feelings, body, and energy levels. It’s what allows us to stay calm during stress, pay attention when needed, and respond instead of react.
When a person is regulated, they can:
- Handle frustration without melting down
- Focus on tasks or instructions
- Process emotions without becoming overwhelmed
- Feel balanced and alert in their body and mind
But here’s the truth: kids aren’t born knowing how to do this. Regulation is a learned skill—and it starts with the support of a regulated adult. This is called co-regulation, and it’s how kids gradually learn to calm themselves with help from someone safe and steady.
Why Some Kids Struggle to Stay Regulated
Children with sensory differences and motor challenges often have nervous systems that respond more intensely to everyday experiences.
They might feel overwhelmed by:
- Background noise
- Sudden changes
- Physical sensations
- Bright lights or crowded spaces
- Emotional tension in a room
Their brains and bodies are working hard to interpret the world—and sometimes, that input becomes too much to handle. When this happens, they can shift into a dysregulated state: fight, flight, freeze, or shut down.
The Brain’s Role in Regulation
There’s a powerful system in the brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). Think of it as the brain’s filter or gatekeeper. It decides:
- What we pay attention to
- How alert or sleepy we feel
- Whether we respond calmly or react defensively
The RAS is directly influenced by:
- Sensory information (touch, sound, light)
- Emotional input
- Brain chemicals like serotonin and dopamine
When this system is balanced, kids can stay grounded and responsive. But when it’s dysregulated, they may seem hyper, shut down, or emotionally reactive.
When this system is balanced, kids can stay grounded and responsive. But when it’s dysregulated, they may seem hyper, shut down, or emotionally reactive.
Understanding Arousal: High vs. Low
Arousal is the body’s level of activation or alertness. Some children are:
🔺 Hyper-responsive
Their nervous systems are on high alert. They may seem:
- Overreactive
- Anxious or restless
- Easily triggered by noise, touch, or light
🔻 Hypo-responsive
They under-respond to input. These kids may appear:
- Sleepy or “zoned out”
- Slow to react
- Disconnected from their environment
Kids with autism, whole body apraxia, or sensory processing disorder often fall into one of these categories—and their reactions aren’t defiance. They’re simply processing the world differently.
What Is Co-Regulation (and Why Is It So Powerful)?
Co-regulation is when an adult uses their own calm presence to help a child return to balance. It’s not about fixing or changing your child’s emotions—it’s about being with them in a way that feels safe and steady.
Co-regulation can look like:
- Lowering your voice when your child is upset
- Offering a firm hug or deep pressure
- Sitting silently beside them without judgment
- Matching their breath and helping them slow down
Your presence, more than your words, is what regulates your child.
Early Warning Signs of Dysregulation
The sooner you spot a shift in regulation, the easier it is to respond gently and effectively. Look for:
- Increased noise-making or vocal stimming
- Jerky, disorganized movements
- Stiff posture or clenched hands
- Sudden withdrawal or agitation
- “Not quite right” behavior that feels different from baseline
When you notice these signs, resist the urge to talk too much. Stay calm, slow your energy, and use your body language to show safety.
5 Ways to Help Your Child Regulate
Here are simple, research-backed ways to support your child when they begin to dysregulate:
1. Use a Calm Tone and Slower Movements
Children often match the energy around them. If your tone and body language are calm, they’re more likely to follow your lead. Move slowly. Speak softly. Be the steady anchor they need.
2. Incorporate Intentional Movement
Ask your child to do something purposeful like carrying a bag, pushing against a wall, or picking something up. Intentional movement brings the brain back into a focused state and engages motor planning, which helps redirect dysregulation.
3. Practice Breathwork Together
Breathing slows the heart rate and activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Try:
- Belly breathing (hand on belly to feel it rise)
- Blowing bubbles or a tissue “sail”
- Using a straw to exhale slowly
- Practicing long exhales together
Don’t just tell them—do it with them. You’re modeling calm.
4. Minimize Language
Too many words can overwhelm a dysregulated child. Use gestures, visuals, or model what you want them to do instead. Your energy and presence matter more than your explanations in these moments.
5. Regulate Yourself First
If you feel flustered or reactive, take a breath before you respond. Stand still. Feel your feet on the floor. The more regulated you are, the more your child can anchor to your calmness.
The Role of the Vagus Nerve in Calming the Body
The vagus nerve is part of the body’s calming system. It helps shift us from stress (fight-or-flight) into calm (rest-and-digest).
You can activate the vagus nerve with:
- Deep breathing
- Humming or singing
- Rocking or swinging
- Gentle movement and stretching
Practice these techniques when your child is already calm, like before bed. This builds the motor pattern for calming behaviors and makes them easier to access during stress. At Spellers Center Atlanta, we help you by teaching you techniques to regulate.
Bottom-Up vs. Top-Down Approaches to Regulation
Regulation strategies fall into two categories:
🔽 Bottom-Up Strategies (Start with the Body)
- Movement
- Deep pressure
- Breathwork
- Sensory tools
These strategies are great for younger children who have developing nervous systems. Sensory input that supports regulation is a great tool. If you’re unsure of what will work, often deep, rhythmic pressure is a good place to start.
🔼 Top-Down Strategies (Start with the Brain)
- Putting on an audiobook or podcast
- Reading an age appropriate passage to your child
These strategies are best for older children along with some bottom up strategies to support regulation.
You can use both—but always meet your child where they are.
What If You Are Dysregulated?
Let’s be honest—sometimes it’s not the child who’s overwhelmed. It’s you.
That’s okay. You’re human.
If you’re feeling anxious, angry, or exhausted:
- Pause and breathe deeply
- Notice where your body feels tight and release it
- Take a sip of water or step away for a moment
- Focus on the now—not what’s gone wrong or what might happen
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present.
Final Thoughts: Regulation Is a Relationship
Helping your child regulate isn’t about stopping meltdowns. It’s about creating connection.
When you understand the brain-body connection, recognize the role of sensory input, and bring your own calm, you lay the foundation for emotional resilience and self-regulation.
🌿 Remember:
- Regulation is a learned skill, not a given
- Co-regulation comes before self-regulation
- Your child’s sensory and motor challenges are real
- Your calm energy matters more than perfect technique
- You are the safe space your child needs
Keep breathing. Keep showing up. You’re doing better than you think.
Be sure to check out the Spellers Documentary to see how Spellers Method has impacted so many people’s lives.
